Let me backtrack a bit.
May was somehow simultaneously the best month and the worst month. The highs were high-like an amazingly fun family vacation and celebrating 8 years of marital bliss, and the lows were low-like literally someone being sick every other day of May. Literally. My family is a healthy crew. We may all catch a cold here and there but none of us usually catch much or stay sick long. That was until the month of May and beginning of June. It started with the norovirus that we all had the pleasure (except Sam- thank the Lord) of taking a turn with. Then we tried Sam on a few things with milk baked into it and quickly learned that was a fail and had to deal with an upset tummy and horrendous diaper rash. And then we all had a turn with this weird virus that caused high fevers, sore throat, cough, and misery and it lasted like 5 days long for everyone (except Sam again who only ran a fever for a couple days and had no other symptoms). And then somewhere in the midst of this, Sam accidentally ate something that he shouldn't have and we did the upset tummy and diaper rash thing again. AND THEN our poor Nina came to visit and possibly caught our virus and had a spell of nasty vertigo. All that to say, that things we've been sick and tired for an entire month.
An entire month of either being sick or taking care of someone who was sick had me practicing the art of letting things go. So Monday I decided to set out getting caught up again on all of the things that I was behind on. Check emails, pay bills, go through my calendar, start actually thinking about father's day and Matt's graduation in a couple of weeks, put up all of the outgrown clothes that have been piled on the dining room table for two weeks, mop the floors, Lysol the world, you know...play catch up. I knew that my kids needed some normalcy but I couldn't provide complete normalcy until the business was tended to.
So I tended to business and they drove me crazy. Like legitimately crazy.
Do you ever have those moments where you feel horrible thinking it but you're not even sure you like these little people that you love with your whole heart? You know you love them, but you're not convinced that they're enjoyable people.
So that's when I planned the intervention. I just decided that their constant neediness and whininess had to go. It had to. It was time for an intervention. I would not raise whiny baby, constantly needy, unable to entertain themselves while I just did one thing kind of kids. Today would be the day I would fix these kids.
Damn it.
And then we all know what happened. I started actually paying attention to my own behavior while I was working on theirs.
Mom will you play me?
Not now. Mommy needs to make breakfast.
After breakfast then?
We'll see. I will have to clean it up and get you ready to go to the park and pack snacks and swim suits, etc. Mommy has a lot to do baby.
Well what can I do?
You can play. You have all of these toys for a reason. Just play.
Can you read to me about Jack Sparrow?
No baby. Just play for a little while.
I'm not sure what to play. I just want you to play with me.
Mommy can't. Figure something out. You need to remember how to entertain yourself again.
The more that I listened to myself, the more I heard it and cringed. "no, no, no, no, no." The answer was always no. It wasn't all their fault after all.
And like usual, it's me who needed the intervention. I needed to remember how to step out of my own world and back into theirs. Do I need time to pay our bills? Of course. I have to make time for those things, but there has to be a balance. There has to be time for fun. Big, big summer fun.
So I rearranged my day. I got us all dressed. We made muffins and devoured a few for a snack (and as we baked I was ashamed as I tried to remember the last time we had baked together). And then we took off to the park and I did my best to leave my phone in my purse and just tune into them. I remembered how funny they are and how adorable it is to watch them play. I remembered that there was a time when I was clued into how important it was for them to run and jump and burn energy. I remembered that they're just tiny kids and they're needy because they need me. They genuinely need me to read with them just for fun and not rush through one quick story before bed. They genuinely need me to tickle them when they're trying to be fussy and mad. And they definitely need me to watch their latest trick even though I feel like all I do is watch. They need these things from me, and when I join them in their world, it helps me keep mine in perspective. Yes mom has to take care of business everyday, BUT there's a time and a place for getting it done without neglecting the most important aspects of my job- my wild boys.
So once again the intervention is happening in my own heart. Time to re-prioritize. Time to remember how to say "yes! We can definitely do that." Time to remember that...
I'll be visiting more often this summer. Got a lot of quality time to get in before we add another attention grabber to the mix.