I am leading a girl’s group for teens this summer, and I
have been racking my brain on something to discuss with the group. I could always talk about body image or
sex or something similar that is sure to keep their attention, but the more I
thought about a group specifically for women, the more I pondered what that
even means today? Seriously
though. We live in a world that I
think has many of us so confused if it is even ok to identify as feminine, and
I’m pretty sure that we don’t know what that looks like. So naturally I decided to pick
femininity as the topic of our first session.
When I sat and asked myself what do I immediately think of
when I think of femininity, I realized that everything that I think of as
feminine is an outward characteristic.
I have never identified as a “feminine” woman because I’m a bit too much
of a hott mess. To me femininity
was shown in how put together a woman is.
Pretty hair, well-manicured nails, pink, beauty, etc. I often say I want to be more feminine,
but what I really mean is that I want to shower daily and look less like I live
in the woods behind my house. I
don’t think I am alone in my definition of femininity. I think this is especially true for my
generation. We were raised on
fashion magazines that taught that being ideally feminine was a matter of how
you wore your hair and make up.
And I hate to get all controversial, but we recently watched Bruce Jenner
become the model of femininity by simply changing his exterior and dressing as
a woman. (My goal in writing is
not to touch topics that I haven’t lived personally. I am not and never will struggle with feelings of being
transgendered so I don’t feel like it’s a topic that I can write about. Bringing this up is simply an
observation.) The world has become
enchanted with Caitlyn Jenner’s appearance and made me realize that perhaps we
are a world that believes breasts, dresses, and pretty hair and make up are the
definition of femininity.
After getting past the outward appearance definition of
femininity, I had to really sit and ponder what makes me uncomfortable about
the concept in general. What makes
me feel like this is almost a politically incorrect topic to discuss with young
women. And I realized that next on
my list of thoughts on femininity was…feminism. I think in our quest to make ourselves equal to men, we have
decided we need to be men. It is
not that I cannot appreciate the need for the feminist movement, as I’m as
grateful for the right to vote and work outside of the home as the next
gal. I just realize now that
perhaps we have lost a bit of our own identity in the struggle. I have read a hundred times that gender
is a social construct and that we are essentially raised to be male or female,
but after having raised two boys so far, I’m not sure that I believe that as
much as I once did. So that leads
me to the next point…Is it ok to view women and men as equally important, but
designed with different strengths and traits? Is that an inherently anti-woman point of view? Does that limit a woman to child
rearing and supporting roles? I
don’t think so. I don’t believe
that recognizing what makes us uniquely feminine means we will elbow our way
out of the work force and land ourselves barefoot and pregnant at home
(although I am totally barefoot and pregnant and at home right now so what do I
know!?).
So here I go.
Genesis 5:2 says “He created them male and female, and He blessed them and
named them Man in the day when they were created.”
He created them male and female. From a spiritual standpoint, I have to consider that, if He
created them male or female, He had a reason to do so. That He saw something uniquely
beautiful and important in both male and female. This is what brought me to Google “femininity and the
Catholic church,” and, lo and behold, it is a very written-about topic. In fact, Pope John Paul II wrote
several letters specifically to women about what he calls the “feminine
genius.” It was so neat to skim over
them (skim- I’m ashamed, but I’m in a hurry. Definitely will read in detail soon). So there are entire encyclicals
dedicated to this very subject that had me so puzzled. The letters were beautifully written
and from a place of gratitude for the life of every woman…those who are wives,
mothers, sisters, and friends.
Those who work in the home and outside of the home. In expressing what makes a woman
unique, the Church did not place women in a box, but celebrated what made women
powerful and essential.
The “feminine genius” is said to be made up of the
following traits: receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity.
Receptivity was initially a tough pill to swallow. Upon first skimming I thought, “come
on! Seriously?! This trait sounds
so…well, so barefoot and pregnant.” BUT, after thinking it through, it made more sense. If we consider what makes us uniquely
feminine, it is our ability to receive.
Women often experience life inwardly. When I think of receptivity, the scripture that comes to
mind immediately is Luke 2:19- “but Mary kept all of these things in her heart
and pondered them often.”
Receptivity not only shows our courageous acceptance of physical life,
but the beautiful quality of women to spiritually accept life into our hearts. We are thoughtful. We are wise. We are usually the ones who encourage people to stop, to
consider, to think, and then to act.
Receptivity is a gift.
Now, ole sensitivity has a bad reputation. People will say that women can’t be
good leaders because we are overly sensitive. Sensitivity, in this respect, is not some train wreck, out
of control, emotionally unstable trait.
Sensitivity refers to a women’s ability to see past the exterior and
into the hearts of others. I could
write for days on the glory that is sensitivity in women. The older I get, the more I realize
that women have a unique ability to see a need and, because of their deep
sensitivity, act on that need. How
many times have you sensed that a friend was hurting even though she was smiling? Or, how many times have you seen a
community wide problem and been motivated to create a solution for it? That, my friends, is why the world
keeps spinning. It is powered by
the sensitivity of women. This is
a trait that I refuse to apologize for.
In my opinion, it is one of the most beautiful parts of the feminine
genius.
Generosity is the action that comes from our
sensitivity. Women are willing to
sacrifice and endure suffering for the good of others in a way that is often
dumbfounding to men. There is
something so powerful in the spirit of a woman that allows us to live
generosity in big ways. If one was
ever to dissect the total sacrifice that is motherhood, then he/she would never
have to look far for an example of the generous trait of women. But for women, generosity can go far
beyond motherhood and into community activism, politics, professional careers,
etc. It is impossible not to think
of someone like Mother Theresa and see how truly powerful and effective the
trait of feminine generosity is for the world.
And lastly, maternity. We cannot separate motherhood from what makes us
feminine. To say that we were not
created with motherhood in mind would be silly. I read recently that a mother/child bond is a socially
constructed idea that is not inherent or natural at all, but as a mother and
knowing mothers around the world, we would not choose a bond like this. There is nothing easy about the
mother/child bond. It is gut
wrenching and, at times, down right painful. Believe me - maternity is the culmination of the other traits
and largely what makes us uniquely feminine. Maternity doesn’t have to refer only to physical motherhood,
but spiritual or emotional maternity.
One can choose not to have children herself, but still be an outstanding
“mother” to those that she touches.
We can all think of someone whom we respected and looked up to and who cared
for our bodies, hearts, and souls without physically giving birth to us.
So there you have it. The feminine genius in a nutshell. After researching all of this and spending some time
thinking over it, I am delighted to know that what makes us feminine is our
hearts and not our bodies. I am
having a very difficult time shaking the “I live in the woods behind my house”
look, and, if my femininity were wrapped up in solely that, I would be a big,
fat, miserable failure. I am also
delighted to know that I don’t have to deny what is uniquely in my heart to be
more like a man and more politically correct. I can be myself and be beautifully feminine without changing
myself at all.
It is not our breasts or our clothes or the color pink
that makes us women, but our sensitivity to the needs of the world and our
generosity to act on those needs.
That is beautiful. That is
powerful.
That is femininity.