Keepin' It Real...whatever day I can get it written on. Boys are misunderstood.

I cannot claim to be an expert on raising boys since so far I have only raised one for three years and have grown one for 29.5 weeks, but it doesn't take long to realize that whether the experts agree or not boys are a different breed than little girls.  There are always exceptions to this rule and there will always be exceptions to this rule, but I believe whole heartedly after spending time with very young children that boys and girls have striking differences at a very young age.

You never know what response you're going to get when someone asks you if you're having a boy or a girl, but I find when I say that we're having another boy we get a look of pity because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that little boys are a handful.  Everyone says it evens out later in life when little girls grow into moody teenagers, and I'm sure they're right, but for now all I know is the little boys are a handful stage.

I've had some time to ponder on little boys in general, and I've decided that they are totally misunderstood.  The first time someone jokingly remarked that John had a touch of ADHD he was only 7 months old, and the remarks continue to this day.  The ones with more tact usually just call him "busy." Strangers and loved ones alike stare at him as he squirms around and climbs all over us at dinner or church or any other activity where he is forced to be still and quiet.  And sadly, boys are seriously outpacing girls in the diagnosis of ADHD in America.

I reiterate that I am not an expert on the topic, but after staying home this last year with John I have learned some lessons that I thought I would share on the topic.  A very funny doctor once told me a story that he had taken his own son to a psychiatrist to be evaluated for ADHD because he was convinced that he had it.  After the psychiatrist evaluated the child for some time, he called in his fellow doctor dad and said "well I'm afraid your son isn't over-active, you're just under-active."  This story which really is funny sort of resonated with me because it made me rethink my own very active toddler boy.

Whenever John's behavior is wild and I feel like I'm close to my breaking point, I have learned to do something called a "back to the basics day" or week or month if needed.  And this is what it entails.

1.  Really evaluate what his schedule has been like recently.  Have we been on the go?  Have we had company? Have we been doing activities that are more errands and less things were he can play and have fun?  Have I been putting him in front of the tv a lot so I can get things done?  John gets all crazy acting if any of these things are true and sometimes I don't realize how tied up we've been with those types of things until I sit down and really consider it.

2.  Make a conscious effort to get back to a good routine.  People are so terrified by the word schedule so I'm going to call it a routine.  We don't do the same things at exactly the same times everyday, but we have a known routine.  There are many people who shy away from a routine, but no one could ever convince me that kids need anything other than a really predictable routine.  I would call it the cornerstone of a happy kid.  And if we're talking about wild boys, then they need it even more.

3. Turn off the tv.  Little boys do not benefit from watching too much tv.  I used to think that was hogwash until I saw it unfold in my own life.  There have been times when I desperately needed to get the house clean, the laundry done, etc. and I have allowed John to just veg in front of the tv for entirely too long.  It didn't take long for me to realize that John was more aggressive and harder to handle on those days.  I do not understand the science behind it, but I do know that for some reason my little one can't handle a lot of tv.  Does he still watch it everyday? Yes! He is allowed to watch some tv during the day, but I stand by the fact that there is a notable difference in his behavior when it is overdone.

4.  Get outside.  Wild boys need the outdoors.  They absolutely have to have a place where they can play hard, get dirty, and hit trees with sticks.  There is nothing that is more painful to me than being trapped in doors with John for several days at a time.  It is painful how miserable we both get because I'm constantly fussing about things, and he is constantly trying new ways to destroy our house.  It is my goal to make sure that John gets outside every morning in some way.  Sometimes we go to the park.  Sometimes we go to the beach.  And sometimes we just play on the back porch.  And sometimes when I'm feeling pregnant, lazy, and hot, I make up an excuse that we should just play something inside like a treasure hunt and somehow even though it's active and fun, it doesn't replace going outside for him.  Maybe John needs vitamin D more than some, but I think it's pretty universal.  The best parenting advice I read for raising boys said that we as parents are tempted to put our boys in time out when they start acting up and all you're really doing is closing their walls even more.  It said if you see your child's behavior starting to change for the worse, send them outside to play for a bit.  It is more often a cry for sunshine, than it is about true defiance.

5. Evaluate what they're eating.  I am not a nutritional expert.  In fact, I thoroughly enjoy junk food like all Americans, but I have noticed recently that my boy can't handle much of it.  I know I sound like a brochure in a pediatrician's office, but I am a believer in the power of food in a child's life.  For example, I have no clue why this is but John cannot eat Cheerios.  Cheerios are such a staple in a kid's life, but when he eats them, he acts like he's possessed.  He gets all wild eyed and aggressive and then he slips into this crazy mode where everything makes him cry and whine.  It took me a few tries to single this out, and I didn't even believe it myself at first.  I told Matt that I thought it was Cheerios that made him act crazy and he told me I was crazy until one day he let him share a bowl of Cheerios with him and witnessed him go bat *&^% crazy afterwards.  I find that on one of my back to basics day that I'm shocked at how much junk I've let creep into his diet and how much happier and level he seems when we eat better.

6. Spend more one on one time with him.  One of the hardest parts of stay-at-home parenthood is trying to give your child all the attention they want AND still making sure that things get done.  My John is not a sit quietly and play with Legos kid.  He wants me to be involved in every thing that he does.  This is clearly not possible, but on my back to the basics days, I try really hard to evaluate how much attention I'm giving him.  Sometimes I find, I'm totally guilty of the smart phone looking while we're playing and he's no fool...he notices.  I also find that I'm guilty of the "just a minute babe...I'm unloading the dishwasher,etc."  In no way am I saying these things are bad in moderation, but I am saying that I am guilty of letting it go too far.  It is amazing how quickly his wild, attention getting behavior turns around once I start freely and enthusiastically giving him some attention.

7.  Plan ahead.  Some high energy kids can't handle a lull in the day.  I know that is tough news for parents because we all want a lull in our day.  We dream about a little lull in the day.   On our back to basics day, I plan out what we'll do the night before so that our day flows nicely.  When I first started staying home with John, I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  I did not know that staying home with him would be a little bit like being a teacher and needing a lesson plan.  I thought things would just naturally flow, but what I found out quickly was that a lull in our day led to John climbing the walls and me considering developing a vice to cope.  Give it a shot if you're at your wits end and see how it goes.

8.  Build some downtime in their day.  Even wild boys need to be read to.  They may need to be read where the wild things are, but they need some quiet spot in their day when they can be forced to sort of chill out and maybe catch a snuggle.

9.  Sleep! Sleep is so important for these critters.  Many boys have a hard time napping the older they get, and I have no advice on that because we are in the middle of the nap wars in our house.  But when you play as hard as wild boys play, you have to sleep hard too.  If John's sleep schedule gets out of whack, watch out.  The older he has gotten, the more relaxed I can be with his bedtime, but I usually spend the next few days kicking myself.  I also recently read some about the science behind sleep in young children and it made so much sense to me.  It said..."Your child's internal clock dictates when she should be awake and when her body needs to sleep. If she skips naps or goes to bed too late, her body will secrete a hormone called cortisol, which acts like a mild form of adrenaline. She may cry more than usual, take longer to fall asleep, be restless while sleeping, wake more at night, and wake earlier in the morning."  This has been so true in John's life.  Good sleep breeds good sleep, and busy boys need good sleep.

I have no clue why I decided to write some on this subject today, and I almost hate myself for how preachy this may sound.  This is not meant to be preachy.  I just feel we live in a world that judges boys for their activity levels when we are the ones that should probably reevaluate our activity levels.  Little boys are a handful.  They are constantly in motion.  They are sometimes rougher than they should be.  BUT I think we can attribute many of their negative behaviors to trying to pacify them with things that are detrimental to their health and development.  Me too.  I'm talking about myself here as well.  That's why I have become such a believer in the back to basics days in our house.  They constantly remind me of ways that I'm not doing the best job so that I can better handle the true acts of defiance and bad behavior when they arise.  Because let's face it, all the good nutrition and attention in the world can't make a sword to the face an acceptable act...even if John is a pirate at the time.

Boys will be boys they say, and it seems to be all the more reason why I'm constantly having to keep it real.  No chance my kiddo will cut me any slack. :)