Keepin' It Real Thursday...SAHM drama

With having to hear every one's opinions on gun control, mental health reform, and even one woman's interesting blog about why she's raising her children to not believe in God, I should probably be ashamed to write an opinionated blog about parenting, but I think it's time for a little writing therapy for me.

I hesitate to write this as I do not want to alienate anyone or for anyone to think I'm pointing fingers at them.  I'm not.  I just need to share some observations.  

When we moved to FL, I fully expected to work in some form or fashion.  I knew that working full time would be very hard on our family, but I thought I would work part time at least.  And then we got here, and our new normal started developing around me and it became clear that the best choice for my family was to take a break from the work scene and be fully available for my family.  Partly because no job I came across was going to be a good fit for our situation (being far away from anyone who could help me with John should he get sick, I need to work late, etc.), but also it became clear that Matt had a lot going on and that it was so much easier when I was home to take care of things.  Our life just felt so much more peaceful than it had in a long time.  Financially, we're strapped, but it's a temporary thing and it is something that we can accept for now.  

We are so at peace with where we are, and I wasn't fully prepared for what was to come after we started to tell people what our decision was.  

People had opinions.  Like serious opinions.  

I found myself starting to tell people with such a tentative tone...just waiting to hear the comments.  As a working mom, I always thought stay at home moms were probably judging me for working, but I never felt unsupported by them.  I always felt like we were, at least, a community of moms trying to make it all work.

Some people expressed "positive" comments saying "good for you.  You're doing the right thing staying home. It's what mom's should be doing."  While it felt good for my decision to be validated, it did sting a little about my time as a working mom.  I couldn't help but feel like my time spent as a working mom was sort of unappreciated.  If mama hadn't worked, John wouldn't have eaten.  

But what I was really shocked by was the negative comments, I received...

• "I want my children to see what a strong woman looks like.  One who can balance a career and a family."  
• "Don't you feel like your degree is being wasted?"
• "Don't you feel like John needs to be around other children?  What if he can't interact with other children when he starts preschool or kindergarten?"
• "I want my children to be exposed to germs while they're young.  John's going to miss a lot of school because he's not going to build immunity at a younger age."
• "Aren't you so bored? I could never spend all day with my children. Don't you want to be around adults?"
• "Don't you feel like you'd rather be able to contribute financially? Isn't it awful to be so poor?"

And the list could go on and on...and here's the deal.  Does anyone purposefully say these things to hurt my feelings? No! Of course, they don't.  Does it still hurt them occasionally? Of course! 

Making the decision to stay home for the next little bit was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I worried that I would be bored.  The feminist in me worried that I would be setting a bad example for John by not challenging the gender roles a bit.  I worried way more than I'd like to admit about our finances.  I had every insecurity and cried many tears while trying to make this decision, but here's the truth:

• My child is seeing a strong woman.  He's seeing a woman who does what it takes to make his family work and makes sacrifices for his family's peace and sanity.
• My degree is absolutely not being wasted.  All families and friends need a social worker whether I'm paid or not!
• John gets a good bit of time around other kids and gets a little alone time when he needs it as well.
• Germs...kids are exposed to germs. They eat dirt and lick door knobs whether they are at home or in daycare.
• I'm so not bored.  I lie and tell people I'm bored because I think it's the "right" answer to that question.  I love every minute with my wild man.  I literally have so much fun watching him grow daily and never have time to just sit around and watch soap operas (well usually...I may catch up on a missed show every now and then).
• And yes.  Being poor sucks, but that's part of this journey.  I would love to contribute more financially, but I'm not delusional enough to feel like I'm not contributing to my family in every way that I can.

So all that to say...hug your friend that's a stay-at-home mom.  You may think that she's living the good life and that she doesn't need the same support your working mom friends do, but she does! She absolutely does! 

From a mama who has done both, neither is better.  Neither is harder...they are both incredibly exhausting in their own way.  Each family has to figure out how to make the best situation possible for their family.  And back to a keepin' it real blog of late...parents just be kind to each other about the decisions we make.  We're all doing out best right?

And just for good measure...why in the world does a random person on the street need a machine gun anyway?   Whoa. Watch out world...if I keep it up, I may take on all of society's big questions in this one blog.

Keep it real y'all!