It wasn't him necessarily. It was that I was SOOO tired myself because I couldn't sleep well while he was at work, and I had to be so quiet when he was home that it didn't feel like a normal day at home, and keeping John out of our room was harder than I thought it would be, and not having any help with John was rough, and let's face it, it having to be about Matt and his sleeping schedule for three weeks straight started to make me resent him. So on his last night, I thought it would be sweet to get Matt some take out from his favorite place and cheesecake from this little french bakery that I wanted to check out while John and I were out on one of our many "get John out of the house" missions. So I bought the food and came home to wake Matt up for his last night. He was so happy about his favorite Chinese take out and ate until his heart was content. Then I said "and we got you some cheese cake," and he replied that he did not want it now because he was so full from the Chinese food. You would have thought he called me fat because this anger rose inside of me. My mind said "I've done everything in my power to make this time easy on our family, and NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT THIS CHEESECAKE!?!?!?!?" So I ate it. I just sat down in front of him and said "if you're not going to eat, I will" and ate the man's cheesecake. Of course, a totally irrational, exhausted little fight ensued which ended with me apologizing profusely for eating his cheesecake (that's like the ultimate insult now in our home by the way) and with him thanking me for making this time so easy on him and being so supportive. I saw this on pinterest once and it was perfect for this situation.
In all honesty, Matt and I fight fairly well. We never scream and yell at each other, and we're pretty good about cutting through the silly stuff and just saying what we mean. This was not an automatic thing and took a lot of practice. I know that we haven't been married long enough to give out marriage advice, but I thought I would share something that has made marriage so much easier for us. To get married in the Catholic church, you have to go through something called "Engaged Encounter." Some people hate it and some people love it. Matt and I loved it and got the best tools to use in our marriage.
Here was our favorite thing that we picked up while we were there. I'm sure I should give somebody credit for this, but I don't know who to give it to. I just have it scribbled down in a notebook from the retreat.
The 10 Rules for Fair Fighting
1. No name calling (even pet names sarcastically!)
We were beyond guilty of the "sure honey" or "whatever you think babe!"
2. No third parties
I see so many couples struggle with this. Unless you're earnestly seeking marital advice, it's better to just be a private thing. I'm pretty sure I just broke this rule by airing our latest fight to the entire internet population.
3. No past history
So hard for women. I know...
4. Stick to the subject
5. No cheap shots
6. Don't go to bed angry
Some counselors say this isn't always good advice, but I still believe in it.
7. Maintain a sense of humor
8. Hold hands
Crazy I know, but you would so surprised at how much softer and gentler your words are when you're touching your spouse (or child).
9. Don't use the words never, ever, or always
This rule single-handedly changed conflict in our marriage. It so easy to start globalizing and making the person you're married to into a monster in your mind. "Matt NEVER helps me with the dishes." Well that's silly. He may not have last night and it made me mad but he has in the past, and I need to just address last night. You get the idea...
10. When all else fails, argue in the nude
I can neither confirm nor deny that we've made it to number 10.
I'm pretty sure I'll never live down the cheese cake thing. Now if I act frustrated by something Matt does, he'll say are you mad enough to eat my cheese cake?
What can I say? I may have eaten the cheese cake, but at least I keep it real right?