Why I Cried...34 weeks!

Well it's looking pretty official.  I think we're having a baby.  A real one.

All of a sudden my mind is beginning to process this as an actual reality and not some far off imaginary thought.  I am going through every emotion possible of course.  Excitement is oozing from my ears and is only replaced by the feeling of complete and utter panic at how much life will change for us.  Because we've done this once, I know it's for the better, but change is scary regardless.  

And also because we've done this once, I am so eager to hold this sweet baby and soak up every minute that he will be tiny.  God knows it goes so fast that I'm afraid my arms may never want to rest from loving on him.

Last Thursday, I wrote a quick blog on how my things to do list is burning a hole through my mind and I'm afraid I may not have stopped since that moment.  I have just been plugging away like crazy to accomplish all that I need to before Sam arrives.  I'm not actually expecting him tomorrow, but if I'm totally done preparing, I feel like the last few weeks will be calm and peaceful and full of soaking up time with Matt and John (and anyone else we can of course!).  

This weekend I had a baby shower thrown by the sweet residents at Halifax, and I will post pics asap of that.  It was a lot of fun.  Of course, John woke up with his first case of the school crud and he's been sick all weekend and Matt was on call, but we made the most of it and had a blast.  Life during residency is so comical at this point.  If Matt is on call, things will go crazy around our house.  It's just a given.  At first I wanted to cry every time, but now I just have to laugh it off and know that someone we'll figure out a solution and usually we do.  Like Sunday when my car didn't crank because the battery had died.  I don't think any of us even batted an eye about it.  We just took Matt's car to church, bought a new battery on the way home, replaced it, and never looked back.  I feel like there is a time when this would have caused me stress, but my nerves are getting stronger folks!

So back to 34 weeks...

Baby continues to grow and seems to be as happy and content as far as I can tell!  I don't feel all that big anymore compared to other pregnant women, but I might just be desensitized to how large I look these days.  I'm gaining weight as quickly as can be and will definitely surpass the recommendations this time around, but I seem to eat chocolate without flinching so I guess that means I'll be kicking my own butt dealing with it later.  I will be having the group b strep testing (and whatever other testing happens now) and checked at my appointment this Thursday so I will be interested to see if any changes have started or if everything is still locked up tight.  I would be interested to have an ultrasound to see how Sam is measuring these days, but I don't think I'll get one unless I just sneak on up to the resident's clinic and ask for one...which I'm not above really.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

Yep.  I'm packed for the most part and Sam is officially all the way packed.  I'm sure I'm jumping the gun on this a bit, but I'm neurotic and it makes me anxious not to just be ready.  I even already have the snacks packed.  :/

John has been a little sick with a cold.  He hasn't been running a fever or anything, but not really up for his normal park trips so I have been torturing him with Walmart and Babies R Us trips.  I put out the fall stuff so that I could check that off my mental list of things to do.  I also got everything that I would need and packed it as well as did a last time Babies R Us run to get any last minute things that we really had to have before Same was born.  I think I'm officially done with all of the shopping.  It's so funny the second time around because I feel a little clueless.  I'll walk down the aisles looking at all the new and improved baby stuff and think "do I need that?  well I didn't need it with John so I guess not?  should I be reading baby books again?  Oh dear Jesus maybe I'm less prepared this time!"  

The fall stuff isn't as thought out as usual, but at this point, I've adopted the "that'll do" philosophy.  Really this philosophy is spilling over into every thing about having this baby.  I was so worked up over wanting everything to be just perfect with John, but poor Sam is a victim of "that'll do."  Maybe he'll be a laid back fella because of it.

God bless a little pumpkin.  Brings my heart more joy than I can ever put into words.

So this was my to do list of last week and check out what all has been done in 5 days:

1.  Making my hospital bag checklist.
2.  Making Sam's hospital bag checklist.
3.  Looking up who can monogram a few things for us in the next couple of weeks.
4.  Finally looking into a newborn photographer. :/
5.  Cleaning my car and asking Matt to install the carseat base asap.
6.  Scheduling a hair cut and debating on whether or not I need a pedicure.
7.  Looking through my registry for things that I need prior to Sam's arrival and starting a list to take shopping after the baby shower this weekend.
8.  Starting a list for everything needed for John's Halloween costume so I can shop for that tomorrow.
9.  Starting a list of last minute things I need for the hospital (you know the super smexy stuff).
10.  Deciding to go ahead a decorate our entry way for fall next week so that we come home to pumpkins on the porch.  It's pertinent.
11.  Deciding if I really need something to hang on the hospital door or if that's just frivolous.
12.  Panicking a little over whether I should get Sam a smaller pumpkin onesie in case he comes before Halloween because John's was a 3 month size.

Boom shakalaka.  I'm done folks. Got to put the carseat in the car, but otherwise, it's pretty much just riding out this train.

Now for why I've cried.  I haven't actually.  I get sappy thinking about the changes, but I'm getting more joyful as well.  I've got so many people around me so excited about meeting Sam that it makes me a little teary, but in a good way.  Matt is on his ob rotation right now, and all of the nurses and staff are all so excited to meet Sam, and I feel so at peace and excited about even the hospital stay because I feel like we're surrounded by so much joy.  There is nothing more a mom could want than for her baby boy to be loved by so many.  It is such an immense blessing.  

That was long...sorry about that.  I will update after Thursday if we have any changes worth sharing.  Thanks for all the support!