So here I go again! I wanted to just write these things down so I could revisit them occasionally.
1. I need to recommit to taking care of myself. I have lost track of this in the last year. I can get in this horrible state where I "reward" myself with junk food and laziness when things get stressful...and being home with two children is always stressful. Sam gets fussy-I deserve a diet coke and 6 cookies. John is sick-I deserve a box of candy and to not fit any exercise in my routine for a month. These rewards go from monthly to weekly to daily and next thing I know I'm filling myself with more junk than good food and I haven't exercised in months. I've got to do better than that...not because I want to fit into my favorite jeans, but because I want to be healthy enough to take my grandchildren and maybe even great grandchildren to disney world. So I hope to start by working walking back into my routine and then letting it progress from there. And it's time to put down the caffeine and sugar and pick up the vegetables.
2. I need to put down my phone. When I leave my phone somewhere John brings it back to me because he must think it is pertinent to my health and well being. I try not to look at it all of the time but I find that I fill any quiet moment with it. The boys are happily playing-I look at my phone. The boys are happily eating-I look at my phone. Really the boys are content with anything other than me and my phone fills those moments. It goes in the bathroom. It is the last thing I look at before I fall asleep. Really I'm embarrassed just writing this. I want to be in touch with friends and I love social media for making distance feel bearable, but I don't want to forget how to be alone, to be quiet, to think, and I definitely don't want to miss opportunities to just watch my boys play and be content.
3. And when I put down my phone, I hope that frees up some time for planning, for undivided attention, and for pursuing issues of importance. I want to refocus on being proactive and not being owned by my days. I want to make time that is solely focused on the people that I love and not strained and frustrating because I'm trying to do three things at once. I know that my life will always consist of multitasking, but I want to minimize it when the tasks are things like: reading my facebook newsfeed, brushing my teeth, and trying to keep Sam from eating the toilet paper. Those moments leave me drained and are unnecessary. And I really want to spend the few quiet moments I have doing things I love-blogging, reading, and remembering how to pray. You know, really pray. Not rattle off little prayers but consciously committing to a faith that centers and grounds me.
4. Lastly, I want to be realistic. After writing that lofty list, I want to be real with myself about what I can actually accomplish in my days. I am so guilty of biting off way more than I can chew and leaving myself exhausted. I may want to learn to sew and I should, but I probably shouldn't commit to teaching myself to perfectly applique two tshirts for the boys during Sam's morning nap. I am a doer by nature. I love to pack my days full, but I cannot hold myself to impossible standards. It will be so important to take each of these goals for myself and break them down to what's realistic to do each week.
Grace, grace, and more grace. That's what I want to be the goal of 2015. Be filled up with grace so I have lots extra to give to those around me. To be mindful and set goals while being realistic and kind to myself. To treat myself with care and invest in my own health and wellbeing so that I can empty myself out without being left in a constant state of exhaustion. To be conscious of how I'm spending my days so that I can achieve the things I really care about and not fill precious time with useless filler. I feel like 2015 is going to be a good year, and yet another year of growth. I love this phase of life. I don't have to look hard for inspiration or a muse. I'm swimming in a sea of it.
Bring on the New Year!