I am not sure why these things get on my mind and stay on my mind, but they do and I haven't written in awhile so I thought it was time to do a little bit of that. You can always tell when life is getting crazy because the blogging ceases to exist, but I have a few posts started of pictures and videos of the boys so I hope to finish those up soon.
Anyway- I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned in a blog that I have been helping with the Life Teen program at our church on Sunday nights and just recently got home from helping with a retreat on the Mississippi coast for high school students preparing to be confirmed. It is really a joy to get to be a part of the lives of these teens, but now that I am a mom, it tends to leave me thinking about my own children eventually...which usually makes me want to leave them little notes about what was on my mind...and here it goes.
Dearest John and Sam,
If I have my way, they will call you sheltered. Some will even say that it's a weakness to be guarded from the ways of the world. They would say that it isn't preparing you for being able to function in today's society, but I would say they are wrong. I will never be able to protect you from the true harsh realities of life. No matter how much I wish it weren't so, you will experience sickness, death of loved ones, and loss. You will feel the sting of failure and the regret of saying something you know you shouldn't have. All of these things are things you must learn to experience, feel, process, and then use to grow, and we will be there to guide you through it.
But I will do my level best to protect you from the the poisonous things. The pressure to conform to being just like everyone else. The filth that comes on tv that you don't have to see yet. The reality that fairy tales aren't true. And when you get a little older, I hope that we can keep you sheltered from alcohol, drugs, sex, and all of the things that teenagers are still too young to understand and participate in. You see boys, I talk to teenagers everyday that are in over their heads. They have gotten involved in things that they had no business getting into and they don't have the maturity to understand how to back out of it. They may call you sheltered, but we will do what it takes to show you another way.
We will read fairy tales everyday and play make believe as long as you will allow it because the truth is they are teaching you how to dream really big things. Impossible things made possible because you believed that you could. That is the power of the fairy tale. John-recently you had a fight with your cousins because they said your beloved Cheatie (who happens to be a snow leopard) wasn't real, but you stood your ground about the fact that he is real and he is one of your best friends. As strange as it is, I was so proud of you. I wish you wouldn't have gotten so angry with them about it, but it was one of those moments when you could have conformed and agreed that Cheatie was just a stuffed animal and not real, but instead you stood your ground and defended Cheatie the snow leopard as a true friend would. We will never tell you Cheatie isn't real until you decide that he isn't (because the truth is all great stuffed animals are real in their own way right?).
We will watch our language around you and be careful what you hear. We know that you will learn bad words, but we can hold off on you learning them for as long as we can. We will check the common sense media app every time you want to watch something on netflix because we care about your heart and we don't see any reason to expose you to filth before you're ready for it. We will carefully consider which adult functions we bring you to because while we want you to understand the joy of community and having fun with friends, we also understand that some things are family events and somethings are not. And when you are old enough and you decide that you will start saying bad words, I hope that we will teach you that smart people don't have to use bad words all the time. That is what people who can't think of anything else to say do. Smart people only use bad words when the moment is just right. ;) And for the record, when you get old enough to play on the computer unsupervised, there will be filters. And when the day comes that you have social media (oh Lord my heart is beating faster now), we will be friends. We will be present my dears. We will be watching out for you.
And lastly, we will take you to church. People will say that we cannot force religion on you and that it will only turn you away, and while I understand the thought behind that, we will take you anyway. We will teach you about the faith that we love and the faith that has sustained us through the hardest times. We will raise you with the knowledge of your faith, but I pray that we raise you to know that after all is said and done, faith is about unconditional love. You are smart boys and you will question what we have taught you at some point...as you should. Decisions regarding your faith can only be made by you, but I will take you to church and I will pray with you so that when you are facing the harsh realities that we talked about earlier that you will know that you are never alone. When I fail you, because I will. When you fail you, because you will, I want there to be an inner voice in you that says God never fails. I promise you that a life lived voluntarily accepting the graces that God has to give because He wants to give is far more fulfilling than a life lived on your own.
So we will not rush this growing up business. We will cherish this time for as long as we can. After all, your dad and I aren't convinced that we're really grown ups yet. We can be sheltered together. It really has served us well up until this point.
Mucho love my sweet things,
Mama