I have absolutely no idea why I am writing my thoughts on this or whether or not this topic is far too sensitive to touch these days, but since I've lost all ability to censor myself as I should these days, here goes.
Recently I have been thinking about fertility a lot. Partly because I'm a nursing mother and am slightly terrified of the unpredictability of my own, but mostly because I have so many friends walking through the unimaginable pain of infertility. I spend a lot of my days with my body doing all the daily routines and my mind and heart off somewhere else thinking and praying for my dear friends. Even at 3 am when I want to cry that my now ONE YEAR OLD is waking up to nurse, I find myself praying for them. Praying that they may know the snuggle of a baby at 3 am. I have so much more to say on that subject, but those are thoughts for another blog post.
Today I have been pondering how we have come to the place where we are in regards to fertility. I'm not sure what the general attitude was in the yesteryears because I haven't lived through them, but for people my age, we have been taught to view fertility as a curse. We have been told starting from a very young age that you can do anything in the whole world as long as you don't get pregnant. Pregnancy will ruin your life. Whatever you do-don't do that.
And let me just say, that I completely understand why people tell teenagers that pregnancy will ruin their lives. I am a mom of two young children and I know how lucky I am that they were not born until after I had a master's degree and was able to just be married for three and a half years and enjoy that season of life. Life changes when children enter the picture and your teenage years are too soon for that picture to change. There is still too much for you to do for yourself.
But I am saying, that I think we are accidentally sending a lasting message to people that the amazing gift of fertility is a lifelong curse to be suppressed and stopped and abused. When you stop for a second and think about it....reallly think about it. (I am calling fertility a gift here because I truly believe that it is a God given gift. It is too much of a miracle for things to work together so beautifully for it to not have been designed by a loving God.) The gift of fertility will leave you in awe. Two people can come together and create another human being. I mean what? That is insane. And yet, we don't teach our young people to be in awe of it. Or to respect it with the same level of fear that you have with all powerful things...like bears and sharks. ;) We send a message that it is a terrible thing to be avoided at all costs and with all measures. And if all you ever heard about fertility from a young age was negative, then no wonder that we have become a society who views fertility as a national threat.
I am not even touching the topic of birth control here because...I'm not. That is not my point. My point is what if we sent another message about the beauty of the gift of fertility is for your life. What if we told our young people that one day there is a chance that you will want to have a baby and that if we treat our bodies with respect and take care of ourselves, we will probably be able to achieve that. What if we didn't teach them that pregnancy is a consequence to be exterminated and taught them that one day finding out they are pregnant will be one of the happiest days of their lives. Because one day they may wake up and realize that the fertility that they have been trying to shut down for years and years is actually a gift that they are praying for everyday to return...to work...to function as it should.
It might surprise many that I consider myself a feminist. And by saying that, I mean that I firmly believe that women are equal to men and should be allowed to chase and realize whatever dreams they have. That they should be able to live with whatever roles they choose for themselves. I do sometimes wonder if our attitude towards fertility doesn't stem from some desire to rewrite the roles of the women of the past. Distance ourselves from being seen only as wives and mothers. The problem I have with this distancing is that if we are truly feminists, then we have to support peoples desire to be wives and mothers. Because there is somewhere deep in most women, that longs for motherhood and that's ok. It's even ok to want a big family. Or to start your family at a younger age than 30 (I think 30 has become the new socially acceptable time to start a family).
I think it's time to rewrite the discussion. I think it's time to free women from the societal pressures to suppress and reduce fertility as if it were a jail sentence. Yes. It is your body and you have the right to choose. So choose health. Choose self care. Choose your own path. Choose knowledge about your body and how incredibly powerful it is. You might even choose to say a prayer each and every month when your body functions as it should as it is a gift that many people long for.